“Sorry to bother you!” But This is How to Write Better Emails

Instead of “sorry to bother you,” try saying, “Thank you for taking a look at my essay.” Thanking someone carries more value and allows you to ... HCatAmerican OurReads Career Culture Life Style Wellness MeetTheTeam JoinUs IllustrationbySketchifyinCanva Culture “Sorrytobotheryou!”ButThisisHowtoWriteBetterEmails MargaretCurley “Hey!Supersorrytobotheryou,Iwasjustwonderingifyouwouldbeokaywith….” Youknowhowtherestgoes.Nobodyeverteachesyouhowtosendemails,butsomehowweallwritethesamethings.Whyisthat?It’sbecauseweaswomxnhaveadaptedtowriteinawaythatwehopewillbeperceivedas“nice”or“polite.” Theproblemis,beingnicedoesnothavetomeanwritinginawaythatunderminesyourideasbeforeyouevengetthechancetosharethem.Tropesaboutwomxnpaintingthemselvesasreactionaryhaveforcedustobesubconsciouslyvigilantaboutourperception,especiallythroughwriting,becauseit’seasyfor our tonestobemisinterpreted. Thatbeingsaid,whycanamandisagreewithsomethingandit’sseenasa“goodpoint,”butwhenawomxndoesthesamethingit’sabrasive?Belowisashortlistofphrasesyouneedtounlearn fromyouremailvocabulary (andsomeyoushouldadd)tomakesureyouaregettingyourpointsheard.  “Just” Whenyousay“just,”youaretryingtominimizeyouractions,whichnotonlymakesyoucomeacrossaslessserious, butcanbeinterpretedasyouhavingsomethingtoapologizefor.Ifyouare“justcheckingin” onsomeone’sprogress, youhavenothingtobesorryfor.Checkinandownit! Tip:Cut outtheword“just.”Itcanbetoughtocatchbecauseit’safillerlike…well, “like,”butyouremailswillfeelsignificantlymoredirectandconfidentwiththisquickchange. “Letmeknowwhatyouthink!” Thisonecomesacrossasaneedforvalidationfromtheotherparty.Iftheyhavecriticismorcommentarythenyoucanexpectthemtosharethatwithyouwithoutexplicitlyaskingforit.Usuallyweaddthisphrasetomakeanemailseemnicer, butyouhaveeveryrighttounapologeticallyshareyourideaswithoutcreatingacontingencyonanotherperson’sapproval.  Tip:Shareyourideaandmaybesayyoulookforwardtodiscussingitfurther,butotherwisethisisanotherphrasetocompletelyleaveoutifyoucan. “Sorrytobotheryou” Stop!Apologizing!Youhaveprobablyalreadyheardibeforethatweasacultureoverusethewordsorry,butthisphrasehereisadeadlycombinationthatwearealmostallguiltyofusing.Chancesarethatifyou’re emailingsomeone,youhaveeveryrighttobeconversingwiththem,whetheritbeaprofessor,aboss orapeer.So forstartersyouaren’tbotheringanyone,youareengaginginadiscussion. Asdifficultasitmaybeinasocietythatexpectsuswomxntofeelsorryformerelyexisting,weneedtostopexpressingthatinemailsbecauseitopensthedoorforotherpartiestospeakoverusandnotgiveourvaluableopinionsasmuchattentionastheydeserve. Tip:A greatpieceofadviceI’veheard forcuttingoutapologies isturningthemintothankswheneveryoucan.Insteadof “sorrytobotheryou,”trysaying,“Thankyoufortakingalookatmyessay.” Thankingsomeonecarriesmorevalueandallowsyoutocomeacrossasrespectfulwithoutweakeningtheirperceptionofyou.  “DoyouknowwhatImean?” Iftheydon’tknowwhatyoumeanthentheycanfollowupwithyou. Whenyouasksomeoneiftheyknowwhatyoumean,youarestatingthatyourideaisinherentlyhardtounderstandorpoorlyphrasedatsomefaultofyourown. Thetruthis,itislikelythatyouareperfectlyeloquentanddonotneedto prepareforthechancethatsomeonedoesn’tunderstand.Likethestatementsabove,thisonejustcreatesanexpectationinthereader’smindthatwhatyouhavetosayislessvaluable. Tip:Waituntilsomeoneexpressesthattheyneedclarification,andthenaddressitatthatpointbyofferingtofollowupwiththem.  “!!!”“:)”“I’dloveto!” PhotobyAustinDistelfromUnsplash IfIweretotakeaguessI’dsaythatweareallthemostguiltyofthisone.Intheageof“heygirly!”speak,addingthesetoourtexts,emails,andInstagramcommentsis thenorm. Thatbeingsaid,youdonothavetobringitintoyourprofessionalconversations.Thesephrasesareusedtocompensateforthefactthatwomenwhoaresternareperceivedasdemanding,emotional,ormyleastfavorite“b!tchy.” InaworldwherecongressmenarecallingAlexandriaOcasioCortez“theB-word”onthestairsofCongress,it’sunderstandablethatwomxnmayfeelintimidatedbythewayweareperceivedbymen.However, itisextremelyimportantthatweharnessourinnerAOCandstopadaptingourlanguagetomakemenfeelcomfortable.  Try:Limityourexclamationpoints.If youseemoreofthemthanperiodsonapageyou’reprobablyoverdoingit.Removemodifierslike“love/happy/glad”tomakestatementslike“Iwillfollowupwithher.”There’snothingtofeelguiltyaboutwhenyoumakeastatementwithoutaddinganoverwhelmingamountofenthusiasmtoit. Asforsmileyfaces,keepthemforthegramorcandidinteractionswithfriends.  Learntosay“no” Look,I’mnotsayingyoushouldstartturningdownopportunitiesleftandright.Butitcanbereallyeasytoovercommityourselfasawomxnbecauseyoumayfeellikeyouneedtoworkharderthanamanforthesamelevelofrecognition, orbecauseyou’rescaredtosayno.Learnthedifferencebetweenanopportunityandbeingtakenadvantageofwhentakingonadditionaltasksforschoolorwork. Tip:Youdon’thavetoexplainyourselfforsayingno.If youarecompromisingyourmentalhealth,yourtimewithfriends/family orothercommitmentsbytakingonanadditionaltask,thatisaperfectlyvalidreasontosayno. Getcomfortablewithdisagreeing Wehaveallbeenthereinclasssharingcommentarywhenadudeabruptlystopsyouinthemiddleofyoursentencetobeginspeakinghismind,consequentlytellingeveryonehowlittleyouropinionisvaluedbyhim.It’swhywewritethewaythatwedo! Tip:Tocombatthisbehavior,weneedtostartfeelingcomfortablewithdisagreeing.Itcanbeexhaustingtakingontheresponsibilityforresolvingproblemscreatedbythepatriarchy,butgainingtheconfidencetorespectfullydisagreewithsomeoneelsewillallowyoutosetthetoneforyourexpectationsinfutureengagements. Youcansay,“Thatmademeuncomfortable” Thisonemaycomeacrossasobvious,butitisoneofthemostimportantphrasestofeelconfidentutilizing,especiallyinprofessionalsettings.Youdonotowemen(oranyone)thecomfortofmakinginappropriatecommentsorjokesaboutyourappearance,anotherwomxn’sbodyorsensitivetopicssuchasthewagegap. Thisgoesforanymarginalizedgroup,too. Ifyourreactiontosomeone’sdisrespectfulcommentarymakesthemuncomfortable,youhavedonenothingwrong. Tip:Whiletellingapersonthatyoudon’tapproveofwhattheysaidiseasyadvicetogive,approachthesituationandhandleitinthesafestwaypossible, whetherthatberefrainingfromlaughter,confrontingtheindividual orremovingyourselffromthesituationentirely. Whileitmightbenerve-wrackingtosendsomeoneadirectemail,thinkofitasyourownlittleactofcivildisobedienceagainsttheunspokenrulesofthepatriarchy.Bymakingsmallchangestothewayyouspeak,youestablishyourconfidence,boundaries andexpectations,whichcanenactgreatchangewithinyourprofessionalcircles. american au feminism HCAU writing Goodstuffonly! WewannaslideintoyourDMs… (butviaemail) Thenewsletteryouwon’tleaveunread. FollowUs MargaretCurley American'23 Margaret(she/her)grewupinMassachusetts.SheisamemberofthethreeyearspublichealthscholarsprogramatAU.OutsideofwritingforHerCampus,herhobbiesincludevolunteering,hiking,playingtheguitar,andtryingnewvegetarianrecipes! 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