Self-Centered People: 7 Signs of Selfishness - Insider

People who are self-centered will often do everything on their own terms, without taking your needs or desires into consideration as well, says ... 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Diet&Nutrition Fitness&Exercise Women'sHealth PrimaryCare Sex&Relationships MentalHealth MoreButtonIcon Circlewiththreehorizontaldots.Itindicatesawaytoseemorenavmenuitemsinsidethesitemenubytriggeringthesidemenutoopenandclose. Diet&Nutrition Fitness&Exercise Women'sHealth PrimaryCare Sex&Relationships MentalHealth Chevronicon Itindicatesanexpandablesectionormenu,orsometimesprevious/nextnavigationoptions. HOMEPAGE Subscribe Subscribe Home Chevronicon Itindicatesanexpandablesectionormenu,orsometimesprevious/nextnavigationoptions. Health 7signsthatyou'redealingwithaself-centeredpersonand5waystohandleit AshleyLaderer 2022-02-03T23:03:02Z FacebookIcon TheletterF. Emailicon Anenvelope.Itindicatestheabilitytosendanemail. Twittericon Astylizedbirdwithanopenmouth,tweeting. Twitter Snapchaticon Aghost. Snapchat Fliboardicon AstylizedletterF. Flipboard Pinteresticon Theletter"P"styledtolooklikeathumbtackpin. Pinterest Linkicon Animageofachainlink.Itsymobilizesawebsitelinkurl. CopyLink Downloadtheapp Thisarticlewasmedicallyreviewedby JohnMutziger,LMHC,asexandrelationshiptherapistattheLongIslandInstituteofSexTherapy.  MedicallyReviewed ReviewedByCheckMarkIcon Acheckmark.Itindicatesthattherelevantcontenthasbeenreviewedandverifiedbyanexpert Ourstoriesarereviewedbymedicalprofessionalstoensureyougetthemostaccurateandusefulinformationaboutyourhealthandwellness.Formoreinformation,visitourmedicalreviewboard. Wantingthingsonlyforyourselfisaself-centeredbehavior. PhotoAlto/SigridOlsson/GettyImages Ifsomeoneisself-centered,theyusuallydon'treciprocatetheeffortyouputintotherelationship. Theymayalsodisregardrules,believingthatrulesandguidelinesdon'tapplytothem. Tocopewithaselfishperson,youcansetboundaries,tellthemhowyoufeel,orcutthemoff. VisitInsider'sHealthReferencelibraryformoreadvice. Ifyouknowsomebodywhoconstantlymakeseverythingaboutthemselvesorseemstohavelittletonoconsiderationforothers,youarelikelydealingwithaself-centeredperson.  Thisiscommonwithpeoplewhohavenarcissisticpersonalitydisorderandmakesitdifficultforthemtomaintainhealthyrelationshipswithothers. Note:It'softenagoodthingtopracticeself-careandprioritizeyourownneedsfromtimetotime.Thisisdifferentfrombeingsingle-mindedlyself-interestedandunabletoseeothers'perspective. Hereareninesignsthatsomeoneisself-centered,andhowtodealwithsomeonewiththistypeofpersonality. 1.Theyhaveone-sidedconversationsWhentalkingtoaself-centeredperson,youmaynoticethattheytendtomonopolizetheconversation,saysTaneilleSmith,LMFT,LMHC,atherapistinprivatepractice. Forexample,youmightbegintoshareabouthowdifficultworkhasbeenforyou,andthentheytakethisopportunitytogoonandonabouttheirownworkstresseswithoutacknowledgingyourownconcerns. "Thisisself-centeredbehaviorbecauseitdemonstratesthatthispersonhaslittlecapacitytobecuriousaboutorimagineanotherperson'sperspective,"saysSmith. 2.Theydon'treciprocateeffortInarelationshipwithaself-centeredperson,youmayfindthatthere'saclearpatternofyougivingyourtime,energy,andattentiontothem,butthesegesturesandeffortsaren'treciprocated,saysSmith. Thisshowsthattheycaremoreaboutthemselvesthanotherssincetheyarenotwillingtoputintheefforttomakeyoufeellikeit'sanevenrelationship.  3.Theyconsistentlylackperspective"Self-centeredpeopleusuallylackempathy,maybenotentirely,butatleastenoughthattheystruggletoputthemselvesinothers'shoes,"saysEmilySimonian,LMFT,therapistatThriveworks.Thiscanshowupas:Refusingtoseesomeoneelse'ssideofadisagreementDisregardingothers'views,beliefs,oropinionsasinvalid 4.Theythinkrulesdon'tapplytothemSimoniansaysthatself-centeredpeoplewillperpetuallydothingstheirownwayandtakea"mywayorthehighway"approachtolife. "Thissenseofentitlementcausesself-centeredindividualstofrequentlybreakrulesbecauseofcarelessness,arrogance,oralackofempathythatprohibitsthemfromseeinghowtheirbehavioraffectsothers,''saysSimonian. 5.They'reinconsiderate Peoplewhoareself-centeredwilloftendoeverythingontheirownterms,withouttakingyourneedsordesiresintoconsiderationaswell,saysSmith. Forexample,theymightchooseactivities,restaurants,ormoviesthattheypreferregardlessofwhetheryoulikethemornot.Smithsaysthisdemonstratesthattheydon'tconsideranyone'spreferencesbuttheirown. 6.They'recontrollingIt'scommonforself-centeredpeopletocomeoffrigidorcontrolling,sincetheymaywantthingstogoexactlytheirway,saysSmith. Forexample,ifyourpartnerorroommateiscontrolling,theymightinsistthatthingsinyourhomearearrangedinacertainwayorthatthechoresaredonespecificallythewaytheywantthemdone.  7.They'reunabletoreceiveorrespondtofeedbackIfyoutrytogiveaself-centeredpersonanyfeedbackabouttheirselfishbehavior,it'slikelythattheywon'ttakeitseriouslyandwon'ttakeresponsibilityfortheirbehavior. "Theymaygetdefensive,failtoseetheconsequencesoftheiractions,orsimplydisregardfeedbackoutofcarelessness.Ifsomethingisn'thurtingoraffectingthem,it'sdifficultforthemtowanttochange,"saysSimonian. Tipsonhowtodealwithsomeonewhoisself-centeredIfyou'restrugglingwithaself-centeredperson,herearesometipstomakeyourinteractionsabitmorepleasant.1.SetboundariesSettingboundarieswithsomeonewhoisself-centeredcanhelpyouinteractonyourownterms.Itcanalsohelpyouavoidsituationswheretheydrainyourenergyormonopolizeyourtime. Forexample,someboundariesyoucouldsetare:Ifyou'remakingplans,youcanletthemknowinadvancethatyouneedtobehomeatacertaintime. Iftheycallyoutotalk,youcanletthemknowyouonlyhave10orsominutestotalk.  2.FindwaystocopeifyoucannotdisengageInsomecases,youmaynotbeabletotrulyseparatefromaself-centeredperson,suchasifthey'reafamilymemberorcoworkeryouseeeveryday.Inthisscenario,itcanbehelpfultofindwaystocopewiththeirbehavior. Simoniansayssomeexamplesofcopingskillsforthissituationare:Remindingyourselftonottakethethingstheysayordopersonally.Redirectupsettingdialoguewiththembychangingthesubjectorleavingtheconversation.Learningtoletthingsgobyexpressingyouremotionsorventingtoatrustedfriendortherapist. 3.BerealisticwithyourexpectationsThoughsomepeoplecangrowtobemorethoughtfulandself-aware,it'simportantthatyoudon'tsetyourselfupfordisappointmentbyexpectingthemtochange.Instead,youcantrytoexplorehowtheycanfitintoyourlifeinamorepositiveway. Forexample,youshouldacceptthataself-centeredfriendmaynotbethebestpersontospendallyourtimewith.Butifyouhavefungettingadrinkwiththemonceinawhileandwanttheminyourlifeinasmallway,it'sokay.Justbesuretoreframeyourrelationshipsothatyou'renotexpectingtodependonthemwhenthegoinggetstough. 4.TellthemhowyoufeelThere'sachancethattheself-centeredpersonistrulyunawareofhowtheirbehaviorisaffectingyou.That'swhyit'simportanttovoiceyourconcernsifyouwanttocontinueyourrelationshipwithoutmoreaddedresentment. "Ifyoufeellikethispersonisimportanttoyouandyouwanttogivethemanopportunitytochange,shareyourexperiencewiththem.Haveyourfeedbackfocusonhowyoufeelthatthere'sanimbalanceintherelationshipandprovideafewexamples,"saysSmith. 5.Knowwhenit'stimetocutthemoffIfyou'veexpressedyourfeelingstothepersonbuttheyaren'tmakinganyattemptstochangetheirbehavior,it'slikelythatyou'llconstantlyfeelhurtorangryafterspendingtimewiththem.Atthispoint,itmaybetimetoconsiderendingtherelationship."Relationshipsaremeanttobemutuallyconnectiveandstayinginaone-sidedromanticrelationshiporfriendshipwithsomeonewhocan'tmeetbasicrelationalneedswillultimatelytakeatollonyourmentalhealth,"saysSimonian. Insider'stakeawayIfyouareinteractingwithsomeonewhoalwaysmakeseverythingaboutthem,tendstobeinconsiderate,orhasabigego,chancesare,you'redealingwithaself-centeredperson. Havingarelationshipofanytypewithsomeonelikethiscanleaveyoufeelingemotionallydrainedorhurt. Ifyouwanttosalvagetherelationship,besuretosetboundariesandopenupabouthowyoufeel,butalsoknowthattherelationshipmightneedtoendforyourownsakeifextremeself-centeredbehaviorcontinues.  AshleyLaderer AshleyLadererisafreelancewriterfromNewYorkwhospecializesinhealthandwellness.FollowheronTwitter @ashladerer Readmore Readless Relatedarticles HEALTH Ifyouhavetroubleexpressingemotionsoraskingforhelp,youmayhaveanavoidantattachmentstyle HEALTH 7insidioussignsofemotionalabuseandhowtorecognizethem,accordingtotherapists HEALTH 8signsthatyou'redealingwithanemotionallyunavailableperson,accordingtoexperts HEALTH 9tell-talesignsthatyou'rebeingemotionallymanipulated,accordingtocouplestherapists More: Health Personality Relationships HealthExplainers Closeicon Twocrossedlinesthatforman'X'.Itindicatesawaytocloseaninteraction,ordismissanotification.