5 Positive Parenting Techniques You Can Use in 2022

5 Positive Parenting Techniques You Can Use in 2022 · 1. Get to the Root of the Behavior · 2. Be Consistent · 3. Say No to Rewards · 4. Focus On What You Can ... 5PositiveParentingTechniquesYouCanUsein2022 It’sthemomentparentsknowalltoowell:themomentwheretheenergyinyourhousetotallyshifts. Allwascalmuntilyouhandedbreakfasttoyourtoddlerontheever-so-controversialblueplate.Youknow,theonehelikedYESTERDAY.Somehowovernight,everythingyouthoughtyouknewaboutyourchildwassuddenlywrong– “Iwantmysandwichintrianglesnotrectangles!”or“Iwantthegreencupnottheredone!”or“Ihatethosesocks!!” “Whathappenedtomysweetchild?”youwonder. Astheenergyinthehouseescalatesanditappearsyourchildiswillingtofallonhisswordovereverylittlerequest,youloseit.Afterall,hisrequestsmakenosensetoanadult,andbecausetheydon’tmakelogicalsense,youronlyresponseisrage–“STOPYELLING!”youscream. “JUSTEATOFFTHEBLUEPLATE!”youyell. “ITDOESN’TMATTERWHATSHAPEYOURSANDWICHISIN!”youexclaim. Andtheninamomentofclarity,ithitsyou–youyelledatyourchildtostopyelling.Thephrase“DoasIsay,notasIdo,” hasneverheldsomuchweight. Oh,friend.I’vebeenthereandIknowthosefeelingsalltoowell. Asaformeryeller,IremembergoingtobedhoarseanddefeatedmanynightsuntilIdecidedthereMUSTbeabetterway.AfteryearsofstudyingPositiveParentingandAdlerianPsychology,Icreatedatoolboxofstrategiesthatcompletelytransformedmyfamily. Afterseeingtheeffectsfirsthand,IknewIhadtosharethispositiveparentingphilosophyandthecorrespondingdisciplinestrategieswithparentsworldwide.Theresultscontinuetobeastonishing. Thelistoftechniquesbelowwillhelpyouseemisbehaviorinadifferentlight.ThereisafullToolboxofstrategiesthatgoalongwiththesetechniques,butthislistwillgiveyouagreatstarttobeginseeingaremarkabledifferenceinyourhome.   1.GettotheRootoftheBehavior Positiveparentingexpertsworldwidecanagreeonthis:thereisalwayssomethingmotivatingachild’snegativeordisruptivebehavior. Sothattantrumovertheblueplate?Itwasn’tarandomdisplayofpoorjudgment– itwasmotivatedbysomethingintrinsicallyinyourchild.Whetherthatwasalackofskillsinmanaginghisbigfeelings,adesiretogetyourattention,orapowerplaytoasserthisfreewill–there’salwaysareasonforthebehavior.(Evenifhedoesn’trealizeit–andmosttimeshedoesn’t!) Thethingtorememberisthebehavioritselfissimplythesymptom.Ourchallengeasparentsisfiguringoutwhat’sreallyunderneaththatfrustratingbehavior. ItwouldmakethingsMUCHeasierifyourchildcouldsimplysay,“Mommy,Iwouldreallylikesomeone-on-oneattentionwithyouwhenIhaveyoualltomyself.Isthereatimewecandothatthisevening?”Butweallknowthisisanabsurdexpectation.Soinstead,childrenpushourbuttonsasawaytogainourattention,albeitnegative.Becausethetruthis,ifachilddoesn’treceiveourattentioninpositiveways,(whentheydon’thavetobegforordemandit)theywillfindwaystogetanyattentiontheycan,evenit’snegative. Pictureyourselfasadetective.Whenachildbeginstoactout,askyourself“Whatisthischildtryingtoaccomplishthroughhisactions?” Ifhehadtheverbalskillsandemotionalawareness,“Whatwouldhebetryingtotellmewiththisbehavior?” Onceyouidentifytherootcauseoftheissue,youcanbecomeamorePROACTIVEparentandpreempttheoutburstsfromhappeninginthefirstplace. Forexample,imagineyouhavetotakeanimportantcall,butwhileyou’reonthephone,yourchildrendecideit’sagreattimetostartawrestlingmatch.Whilestilltryingtosoundengagedinthephoneconversation,yougiveyourkidsthe“ifyoudon’tstopthisrightnowI’mgoingtoloseitwhenI’mdone”look–buttonoavail.Youcontinuewiththenon-verbalshushingasyourunfromoneroomtothenextsearchingforquiet,butthewrestlingmatchseemstofollowyou.It’sexhausting.Andbytheendofthephonecall,youfeellikeyoujustran5miles. Thegoalbehindthatwrestlingmatch–thatjusthappenedtostarttheminuteyougotonthephone–wasmostlikelyintendedtogetyourattentionandpushyourbuttons.Theyknewyouweretrappedonthephoneandunabletointervene,soitbecametheperfecttimetoactup,gettingyourattentioninnegativeways.UsethisasalearningexperienceandnowPROACTIVELYPREPAREforthenexttimeyouneedtotakeacall. 20minutesbeforeyourphonecall,saytoyourkiddos,“Heyguys,mommyhastogetonthephonein20minutes.BeforeIdothat,IwouldLOVEtoplayagamewithyouall!” Duringthose20minutesleadinguptothecall,giveyourchildrenundividedattention.Youcangivethemremindersleadinguptothecalllike“Wow!Iloveplayinggameswithyou.Oncemommyisfinishedwithhercall,I’dlovetoplayagain!” Whenitcomestimeforthecall,giveyourchildrenachoice–“Mommyneedstogetonhercallnow.WouldyouliketowatchashoworplayquietlywithyourlegoswhileI’monthephone?” Also,givethemawayto“tellyousomething”ifsomethingtheyviewasurgentcomesupwhileyou’reonthecall. Leaveapadofpapernearbysotheycanwriteordrawwhatevertheywanttotellyouassoonasyourcallisfinished. Chancesarethatifyoufilltheirattentionbucketsaheadoftimeandlayoutclearexpectations,yourchildrenwillbebetterbehavednexttimeyoutakeacall. Note:ForPositiveParentingSolutionsMembers,learnhowtousetheAttentionOverloadToolinLesson#31inSession4tofendoffallsortsofpowerstruggles.   2.BeConsistent Whileparentsintellectuallyunderstandtheimportanceofconsistency,thetruthis,lifehappens–schooliscanceled,planschange,additionsaremadetothecalendarlast-minute.Whilewecan’talwayscontrollifehappening,it’sbesttomaintainconsistentroutines,schedules,andexpectationsinyourhomethemajorityofthetime. Howisyourmorningroutine?Ifyourchildrenareexpectedtomaketheirbeds,brushtheirteethandgetdressedbeforeeatingbreakfast,thenmaintainthisroutineeveryday. PROTIP:MaintaintheSAMEscheduleonweekendsandholidays.Thatway,youwon’thavetoexperiencethebackslidethatcomesonMondaymorning!  Doyoumaintainfirmtechnology“policies?” Whathappensifyourkidsdon’trespectyourfamilyrulesfortechnology? Tobethepositiveparentyoustrivetobe,it’sessentialthattechnologyrulesareclearlycommunicatedandthatkidsknowtheconsequenceifthoserulesarebroken.Ifkidsrefuseor“forget”toturnoffthevideogamewhentimeisup,followthrougheachandeverytimewiththepreviouslydiscussedconsequence.Whenparentsareconsistentwiththerulesandconsequences,kidsaremuchlesslikelytopushthelimits. Ifyou’reexperiencingalotofnaggingandnegotiatingfromyourchildbecauseofinconsistencyinthepast,youcanenditwith3simplewords,andgetbackontrack. Note:ForPositiveParentingSolutionscoursemembers,refertoSession3,Lessons25&26foreverythingyouneedtoknowaboutimplementingeffectiveconsequencesinyourhome.Alsoreviewtheadvancedtrainingmoduleincludedinyourenrollment:TheFamilyTechnologyContract.   3.SayNotoRewards ParentswhoareunfamiliarwithpositiveparentingtechniquesareoftensurprisedwhenIdiscouragethemfromusingrewards.Afterall,rewardssoundpositive,butthetruthistheydomoreharmthangoodandcanleadtoamajordoseofentitlementdowntheroad.  Parentingisamarathon,notasprint.Whenmakingdisciplinedecisionsforyourkids,it’simportanttokeepyourlong-termgoalsinmind.Rewardsareineffectivebecausetheyonlyoffershort-termgain. Thinkaboutit..maybetodayyourewardedyourchildwithacookieforbehavingwellinthegrocerystore,butwhatwillsheexpectnexttime?Atleastonecookie,right?Maybeeventwo?Willasimilarrewardbeexpectedduringthenextdoctor’sofficevisitortriptothemall?  Orperhapsyoubribedyourpickyeatertoeattheirvegetablesbyofferingicecreamfordessert?Nowthatheknowsvegetablescanbesoldforthepriceoficecream,itonlymakessensehewouldholdoutoneatinghisgreensuntilhe’sofferedicecreamoranotherequallyappealingsweetreward. Usingrewardsasabargainingchipforthedesiredbehaviorisaslipperyslopetoanattitudeofentitlement. Further,manystudieshaveshownthatkidswhoarerewardedactuallyloseinterestintheactivitythey’rebeingrewardedfor–coloring,reading,practicingpiano,doingtheirhomework,etc.Holdyourground,myfriend,childrendon’tneedrewardstobehaveappropriately. Related:WhenTreatsTurnSour:3ThingstodoInsteadofOfferingRewards   4.FocusOnWhatYouCanControl–YOURSELF Ohmyfriends,thisoneistough,especiallyintheheatofthemoment.But,ifyourememberthatthere’salwaysaREASONforthebehaviorANDyourchildrenhavefreewill,thenyoucanbegintorespondappropriately. Afterall,thereisalevelofemotionalfreedomthatisfoundwhenparentsrealize“Ican’talwayscontrolmykids,butIcancontrolmyresponses.” Sure,someparentsmightbeabletoscaretheirkidsintobehavingproperlyorthreatenpunishmenttoachieveashort-sightedgoal,butattheendoftheday–eachchildwillgrowintoanadultwhohasfullcontrolovertheirlifedecisions. Soinsteadofoverpoweringchildren,orbribing,orshamingthemintomakinggooddecisions,Iencourageparentstoreframetheirperceptionofthechild.Insteadofthinkingofhimasamisbehavingchild,viewhimasalittlepersonwhosimplyhasn’tbeenequippedwiththerighttoolstobehaveappropriatelyinagivensituation.Bydoingthis,parentswillbebetterpreparedtohandlethemisbehaviors. Onewaywecancontrolourresponsesistodecidewhatwe’rewillingtodoAHEADOFTIME.Thisworksgreatforgettingkidstotakeonresponsibilitiesthey’reperfectlycapableoforwenagthemabout,buttheynormallyjustdon’tdo–emptyingbackpacksorlunchboxes,puttinglaundryinthehamper,cleaninguptoys,etc. Let’suselunchboxesasanexample. Startbydecidingwhatyou’rewillingtodo,andwhatage-appropriateresponsibilityneedstobeonyourkids’shoulders. Inacalmmoment,revealinadvance,“I’mhappytomakeyoualuncheverymorningforschool,aslongasyourlunchboxhasbeenemptiedout,andit’sontheshelfinthepantryoronthecounter.Ifthelunchboxesarecleanandintheirplace,I’mhappytomakeyourlunch.Ifit’snotcleanedoutornotinitsplace,it’llbeuptoyoutomakeyourownlunch.” Thenask,“Isthereanythingyou’dliketodotohelpyourselfremembertounloadyourlunchboxandputitinthepantry?”(Hemightwanttomakeasigninpicturesorwordstoremindhimselfsinceyouwillnotbereminding.) Andofcourse–makesureeveryonehasaclearunderstanding: “Justsowe’reonthesamepage,canyourepeatbacktomeyourresponsibilityforlunchboxesandwhatI’vedecidedIwilldoaboutmakinglunches?” Atthispoint,you’vetrainedandempoweredyourchild,you’verevealedwhatcouldhappen,andyou’vetoldyourchildwhatyouarewillingtodo. Thenextstepistofollowthrough.Thispartwillbehard–butpleasedon’tremindthemornagthem–otherwise,thisbecomesYOURproblemagain. Ifthelunchboxiscleanandontheshelf–great,you’llmakethelunch.Ifnot,itwillmakeawonderfullearningopportunitynexttime. WhenyoucanproactivelyPREPARE yourresponsestopotentiallystickysituationsandclearlyCOMMUNICATE yourexpectationsbeforehand,you’llfindyourselfhavingtoreacttosituationsintheheatofthemomentlessfrequently.   5.Discipline,Don’tPunish Oneofthebiggestdifferentiatorsbetweenpositiveparentingtechniquesandotherparentingmethodsisthefocusondisciplineoverpunishment. Disciplinemeans“totrainbyinstructionandexercise”whilepunishmeans“toinflictapenaltyfor(anoffense,fault,etc.)”or“tohandleseverelyorroughly.” Byteachingourchildrentheappropriatewaystobehavewithoutusingblame,shameandpainformsofpunishment,weequipandempowerthemtobecompetentandcapableyoungadults. Whenyouareconsideringaresponsetoanoffense–justlikewithrewards–thinklong-term. Doessendingachildtotime-outaspunishmentreallyhelpchangeabehavior? Doesspankingachildforhittingasiblingencourageachildtostophitting? Inbothexamples,I’darguetheansweris“no.”Sure,time-outandspankingmayseemeffectiveintheshortterm,butifkidsaren’ttaught(a.k.a.disciplined)howtobehaveappropriately,parentsinadvertentlyputaband-aidonalong-termproblem. Related:HowtoDisciplineYourChild FinalThoughts Parentingishard,Igetit.Butwiththerighttools,Ibelieveallparentscanbecometheparentsthey’vealwaysdreamedofbeing. Ifyou’dliketolearnevenmorepositiveparentingstrategies,I’dbehonoredifyou’djoinmeforaFREEONLINECLASS. I’llteachyouhowtogetyourkidstolistenwithoutnagging,reminding,oryelling.Withalittlehardworkandconsistency,youcanstartseeingchangestoday! WhatYouShouldDoNext: 1.SubscribetomyNewsletter: Signupformynewsletterforparentingtipstohelpyoucreateahappierhomeandbecometheparentyoualwayswantedtobe.Plus,whenyousubscribe,I'llalsosendyouacopyofourstrategy-packedguide10TipsforBetterBehavior–StartingNOW! 2.RegisterformyFREE60-MinuteClass: RegisterformyfreeclasscalledHowtoGetKidstoListen,WithoutNagging,YellingorLosingControl.ClassesrunseveraltimesperweekbutIrecommendyouregisterearly,asspacesarelimited. 3.Enrollinmy7-StepParentingSuccessSystem Enrollnowinmyproven7-stepsystemforbusyparentsreadyforchange(it'srated5starsonGoogle).Plus,foralimitedtime,save10%plusgetaFREEupgradeonallplans—completelyrisk-freeandwithlifetimeaccess. AbouttheAuthor NationallyrecognizedparentingexpertAmyMcCreadyistheFounderofPositiveParentingSolutionsandthebestsellingauthorofThe“Me,Me,Me”Epidemic-AStep-by-StepGuidetoRaisingCapable,GratefulKidsinanOver-EntitledWorldandIfIHavetoTellYouOneMoreTime…TheRevolutionaryProgramThatGetsYourKidstoListenWithoutNagging,RemindingorYelling.Asa“recoveringyeller”andaCertifiedPositiveDisciplineInstructor,Amyisachampionofpositiveparentingtechniquesforhappierfamiliesandwell-behavedkids.AmyisaTODAYShowcontributorandhasbeenfeaturedonCBSThisMorning,CNN,Fox&Friends,MSNBC,RachaelRay,SteveHarvey&others.Inhermostimportantrole,sheistheproudmomoftwoamazingyoungmen. 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