Parenting skills to assess: · unconditional love · dependable security and safety · stress management techniques · constant communication · tools for ... HealthlineHealthConditionsDiscoverPlanConnectSubscribeParenthoodStagesInfertilityHealth&Well-BeingLifeSex&RelationshipsProducts&GearBetheBestParentYouCanBe:BuildingYourParentingSkillsMedicallyreviewedbyKarenGill,M.D.—WrittenbySaraLindbergonSeptember28,2020ImportantskillsImprovingyourskillsParentingskillsassessmentTakeawayShareonPinterestKristenCurettyandDaemaineHines/StocksyUnitedCarseat,check.Newborndiapers,check.Tonsofonesies,check.Parentingskillshandbook…wait,what?Wereyoumissingtheparentingskillssectiononyourpostpartumafter-careinstructions?Don’tworry,you’renotalone.Whileitwouldbenicetobringyournewbornhomewitha“how-to”manual,partofthisparentingprocessistolearnbydoing(andsometimesfailing).Butwhatif,insteadofstumblingalongtheway,youhadamap(likeachecklistofessentialparentingskills)thatguidedyouintherightdirection?Whatarethemostessentialparentingskills? Itshouldcomeasnosurprisethatsomeparentingtechniquesproducebetteroutcomesthanothers.Ingeneral,allparentswanttheirchildrentobehappyandhealthy,butourowngoalsandcircumstancescanalsoinfluencewhereweplacethemostvaluewhenitcomestoourparentingskills.Inanattempttofigureoutwhichparentingskillsweremostimportant,RobertEpstein,aseniorresearchpsychologistattheAmericanInstituteforBehavioralResearchandTechnology,lookedatdatafrom2,000parents(whotookanonlinetestofparentingskills)todeterminewhichparentingpracticesencouragedbyexpertsmostoftenleadtohappy,healthy,andsuccessfulchildren.Basedontheresults,Epsteinandhisteamdiscovered10competenciesthatpredictgoodparentingoutcomes.Inorderofimportance,herearethe10parentingskillsorParents’Ten,accordingtoEpsteinandteam.1.LoveandaffectionShowingloveisthenumberonecompetencythatpredictsgoodparentingoutcomes.Thisincludesshowingunconditionallove,support,andacceptance.Italsostressestheimportanceofspendingone-on-onetimewithyourchild.2.StressmanagementNotonlyisitimportantforyoutomanageyourownstress,it’salsocriticaltoteachyourchildstressmanagementandrelaxationtechniques.3.RelationshipskillsSuccessinthisareameansyoumodelandmaintainhealthyrelationshipskillswithotherpeople(spouse,significantother,co-parent,co-workers,family,etc).4.AutonomyandindependenceWhenparentsfosterautonomyandindependence,ittellstheirchildrenthattheyrespectandbelieveintheirabilities.5.EducationandlearningTeachingchildrentobelifelonglearnersbeginsathome.Thisincludesvaluingeducation,modelinglearning,andprovidingenrichmentopportunitiesforyourchild.6.LifeskillsProvidingforyourchild’sneedsandplanningforthefuturefallsintothiscategory.Thisincludesshowingyourchildhowtopositivelyviewobstaclesandchallenges,whichhelpsthemdevelopresilienceandperseverance.7.BehaviormanagementParentswhousepositivedisciplinerelyonpositivereinforcementanddeliverconsequences(notpunishment)inakindandfirmmanner,helpingachildfeelconnected,capable,andasenseofbelonging.Thisalsominimizesoreliminatesyelling,andharshverbaldiscipline,whichone2014studyfoundisdamagingtodevelopingadolescents.8.HealthYoumodelhealthylifestylechoicesthatincludeexerciseandgoodnutritionchoicesforyourfamily.9.ReligionYousupportspiritualand/orreligiousdevelopment.10.SafetyYouhelptoensureyourchildissafe.Thisincludessettingboundariesandbeingawareoftheiractivitiesandfriends.Andit’salsotacticalthings—everythingfrombabproofingyourhomeandenforcingwearinghelmetswhilebikeridingtoteachingthemhowtocrossthestreetsmartlyandwhatsexualconsentmeans.Whatcanyoudoimproveyourparentingskills?Whenessentialparentingattributesaremissing,DeborahAnnDavis,educator,parentingskillscoach,andaward-winningauthor,saysyourchildmayfeeluncertain,insecure,andunsureofhowtonavigateandmoveforwardintheworld.Whilenotanexhaustivelist,thefollowingtipscanhelpyouimproveyourparentingskills.practiceactivelisteningwithyourchildshowloveandaffectiondailyofferchoiceswhenpossibleteachthemhowtoexpresstheirfeelingsmaketimeforyourchildavoidyelling,shaming,andlabelingassignage-appropriatechoresletyourchildfail(thisteachesthemhowtoberesilient)setlimitsandbeconsistentwithdisciplineandconsequencesdon’tmakerepeatedthreatsaboutaconsequencefollowthroughwithconsequencesimmediatelyacknowledgeandvalidatetheirfeelingsseparatetheactionfromthechild(abehaviorisbad;achildisn’tbad)respondinacalm,eventoneshowunconditionallovemodelthebehavioryouwantthemtodisplaypracticepositivedisciplinecatchyourchilddoingsomethingrightandmakeapositivecommentaboutitParentingskillsassessment Insteadoffocusingononeaspectofparenting,orworse,boggingyourselfdownwithtryingtodoallofthemsimultaneously,Davissaystorotate.Startwiththefollowingassessment,butdoitjudgment-free,saysDavis.Youhavetoknowwhereyou’reatsoyoucanseewhereyou’regoing.Parentingskillstoassess:unconditionallovedependablesecurityandsafetystressmanagementtechniquesconstantcommunicationtoolsforbuildinghealthyrelationshipsmodelinghealthychoiceslifeskillsdevelopmenteducationadvocacyStartbyassessingwhereyoucurrentlyare.Makealistofalltheparentingskillslistedabove.Rankeachoneonascaleof1–10(where1=emerging;5=adequate;8orabove=oneofyourstrengths)forthecurrentpositiveimpact.Now,it’stimetoassessyourchild’sneeds.Makeasecondlistofalltheparentingskillslistedabove.Rankeachoneonascaleof1–10(where1=definitelyneeded;5=fillsneedsadequately;8=benefitschild)forwhatmostbenefitsyourchildrightnow.Davissaysyounowhaveaquickieobjectiveindicatorofthestrengthsandweaknessesinyourparentingprocess.Thatsaid,shedoesremindusthatyouandyourchildaredifferentpeople—withdifferentneeds,personalities,andoutlooksonlife,sodon’texpect#1and#2tomatch.Forexample,showeringachildwithunconditionallovethroughrepetitivehugsisgreatforakidwholoveshugging,butit’snotsuitedforallchildren.“Somekidsfeeluncomfortablewithphysicalcloseness,soestablishingunconditionallovehastobeinamannertheycanrelateto,”Davisnotes.Nowthatyou’veassessedwhereyouare,it’stimetotakeaction.HereareDavis’stipsforimprovingyourparentingskills.Startbyreinforcingtheskillsthatrankhighestforyourchild.It’salreadyworking,souseittobolsteryourselfwithmoresuccess.Doitallweek.Nextweek,pickonethinginthemiddleareas(adequate)fromeitherlist,andtryalittlesomethingnew.Ifitproducesthedesiredresults,it’sakeeper.Ifnot,tossit,andtryanothertacticintheadequateparentingskillzone.Whenyoufindonethatworks,addittoyourarsenal.Withacoupleofweeksofconfidentparentingunderyourbelt,it’stimetoselectapreviouslyneglectedparentingskillthatyourchildneedsmoreof.Chooseababysteptotryinitially.Youdon’thavetofigureitoutbyyourself—researchstrategiesyoucanuse.Findanexpertinthatareatohelpyou.Everyweek,focusonadifferentparentingskill.Tellyourfamilywhatyou’reworkingonsotheycancheeryouon,makeyouaccountable,andrecognizethepositivechanges.Goingforward,eachweek,Davisrecommendsemphasizingwhatworks,boostingthemiddleoftheroadskills,androtatingthroughtheareasthatneedthemostattention,tryingonestrategyatatime.Takeaway Expertsagreetherearespecificparentingskillsassociatedwithpositiveoutcomesforchildrenandparents.Identifyingthoseskillsandrefiningtheonesthatneedworktakestime,therighttools,andawholelotofpatience.Thegoodnews?There’sagoodchanceyou’realreadyusingmanyoftheseskills.Butifyouhaveanyquestionsaboutparentingskillsorstrategies,talktoyourchild’spediatricianorachildpsychologist.LastmedicallyreviewedonSeptember28,2020ParenthoodLifeMedicallyreviewedbyKarenGill,M.D.—WrittenbySaraLindbergonSeptember28,2020ReadthisnextPoweringThroughIsn’tAlwaystheAnswer:ParentingHasLimits,TooNarrowingdownthereallyexhaustingpartsofthedayandlookingforsolutionshashelpedmetorecharge,andhelpedusfunctionbetterasafamily.READMOREWhichParentingTypeIsRightforYou?MedicallyreviewedbyTimothyJ.Legg,PhD,PsyDTherearemanydifferenttypesofparenting,andyourownstylemaybeamixofafew.They'renotallbeneficial,though.READMOREAllAboutAttachmentParentingMedicallyreviewedbyTimothyJ.Legg,PhD,PsyDAttachmentparentingisaphilosophythatemphasizesphysicalandemotionalclosenesswithyourchild.We'llbreakdowntheprinciplesandtellyou…READMOREWhatIsMindfulParenting?MedicallyreviewedbyKarenGill,M.D.Lookingforlessstressandamorepeacefulwaytoparent?Hereisabriefrundownonmindfulparentingandwhyitmaybeworthtakinganextramoment…READMOREWhatIsPeacefulParenting?MedicallyreviewedbyKarenGill,M.D.Peacefulparentingisaparentingphilosophythatmayleadtoamoreharmonioushome.Here,aprimeronwhatitisandhowtoimplementit.READMORE6oftheBestElectricToothbrushesforKidsMedicallyreviewedbyKarenGill,M.D.Healthydentalhabitsstartatayoungage,andusinganelectrictoothbrushcanhelp.Hereareourpicksofthebestelectrictoothbrushesforkids.READMOREOne-ThirdofU.S.ChildrenDon’tHaveAdequateHealthInsurance:What’stheImpact?Expertssaychildrenwhosefamilieshaveprivatehealthcoverageplansareactuallymorelikelytobeunderinsured.READMORETheGiftThatKeepsGiving:TheBestSubscriptionBoxesforKidsMedicallyreviewedbyMiaArmstrong,MDLookingforawaytokeepyourkidsentertainedallyearlong?Thebestsubscriptionboxesforkidswillhavethembuilding,making,creating,and…READMORE12-Year-OldsConsumeOver8HoursofMediaPerDay:WhatParentsCanDoNewresearchfindsthatchildrenconsumemorethan8hoursofscreentimeperdaybythetimetheyreach12yearsold.Here'showparentscanhelp.READMORE