Top 10 Good Parenting Tips - Best Advice

How To Be A Good Parent – Top 10 Parenting Tips · #1 Be A Good Role Model · #2: Love Them And Show Them Through Action · #3: Practice Kind And Firm Positive ... SkiptoContent Parentingisnoteasy.Goodparentingishardwork.These10goodparentingtipswillhelp. TableofContents HowToBeAGoodParent? Top10ParentingTips FinalThoughts References Whatmakesagoodparent? Agoodparentissomeonewhostrivestomakedecisionsinthebestinterestofthechild. Whatmakesagreatparentisn’tonlydefinedbytheparent’saction,butalsotheirintention. Agoodparentdoesn’thavetobeperfect.Nooneisperfect.Nochildisperfecteither…keepingthisinmindisimportantwhenwesetourexpectations. Successfulparentingisnotaboutachievingperfection.Butitdoesn’tmeanthatweshouldn’tworktowardsthatgoal.Sethighstandards forourselvesfirstandthenourchildrensecond.Weserveasrolemodelsforthem. Hereare10tipsonhowtobeabetterparent,learngoodparentingskillsandavoidbadparenting.Manyofthemarenotquicknoreasy.Andprobablynoonecandoallofthemallofthetime.Butifyoucankeepworkingonthetipsinthisparentingguide,eventhoughyoumayonlydopartofthesesomeofthetime,youwillstillbemovingintherightdirection. HowToBeAGoodParent–Top10ParentingTips #1BeAGoodRoleModel Walkthewalk.Don’tjusttellyourchildwhatyouwantthemtodo.Showthem. Humanisaspecialspeciesinpartbecausewecanlearnbyimitation​1​.Weareprogrammedtocopyother’sactionstounderstandthemandtoincorporatethemintoourown.Children,inparticular, watcheverythingtheirparentsdoverycarefully. So,bethepersonyouwantyourchildtobe—respectyourchild,showthempositivebehaviorandattitude,haveempathytowardsyourchild’semotion—andyourchildwillfollowsuit. #2:LoveThemAndShowThemThroughAction Showyourlove. Thereisnosuchthingaslovingyourchildtoomuch.Lovingthemcannotspoilthem​2​.Onlywhatyouchoosetodo(orgive)inthenameoflovecan—thingslikematerial-indulgence,leniency,lowexpectation,andover-protection.Whenthesethingsaregiveninplaceofreallove,that’swhenyou’llhaveaspoiledchild. Lovingyourchildcanbeassimpleasgivingthemhugs,spendingtimewiththemandlisteningtotheirissuesseriouslyeveryday. Showingtheseactsoflovecantriggerthereleaseoffeel-goodhormonessuchas oxytocin.Theseneurochemicalscanbringusadeepsenseofcalm,emotionalwarmthandcontentment,fromthesethechildwilldevelopresilienceandnot tomentionacloserrelationshipwithyou​3​. Formorehelponcalmingtantrums,checkoutthisstep-by-stepguide #3:PracticeKindAndFirmPositiveParenting Babiesarebornwitharound100billionbraincells(neurons)withrelativelylittleconnections.Theseconnectionscreateourthoughts,driveouractions,shapeourpersonalitiesandbasicallydeterminewhoweare.Theyarecreated,strengthenedand“sculpted”throughexperiencesacrossourlives. Giveyourchildpositiveexperiences.Theywillhavetheabilitytoexperiencepositiveexperiencesthemselvesandofferthemtoothers​4​. Giveyourchildnegativeexperiences.Theywon’thavethekindofdevelopmentnecessaryforthemtothrive. Singthatsillysong.Haveaticklemarathon.Gotothepark.Laughwithyourchild.Ridethroughanemotionaltantrum.Solveaproblemtogetherwithapositiveattitude. Notonlydothesepositiveexperiencescreategoodconnectionsinyourchild’sbrain,buttheyalsoformthememoriesofyouthatyourchildcarriesforlife. Whenitcomestodiscipline,itseemshardtoremainpositive.ButitispossibletopracticePositiveDisciplineandavoid punitivemeasures. Beingagoodparentmeansyouneedtoteachyourchildthemoralinwhatisrightandwhatiswrong.Settinglimitsandbeingconsistentarethekeystogooddiscipline.Bekindandfirmwhenenforcingthoserules.Focusonthereasonbehindthechild’sbehavior.Andmakeitanopportunitytolearnforthefuture,ratherthantopunishforthepast. Related:HowToDealWithToddlerTantrums #4:BeASafeHavenForYourChild Letyourchildknowthatyou’llalwaysbethereforthembybeingresponsivetothechild’ssignalsandsensitivetotheirneeds.Supportandacceptyourchildasanindividual.Beawarm,safehavenforyourchildtoexplorefrom. Childrenraisedbyparentswhoareconsistentlyresponsivetendtohavebetteremotionalregulationdevelopment,socialskillsdevelopment,andmentalhealthoutcomes​5​. #5:TalkWithYourChildAndHelpTheirBrainsIntegrate Mostofusalreadyknowtheimportanceofcommunication.Talktoyourchildandalsolistentothemcarefully. Bykeepinganopenlineofcommunication,you’llhaveabetterrelationshipwithyourchildandyourchildwillcometoyouwhenthere’saproblem. Butthere’sanotherreasonforcommunication—youhelpyourchildintegratedifferentparts ofhis/herbrain. Integrationissimilartoourbodyinwhichdifferentorgansneedtocoordinateandworktogethertomaintainahealthybody.Whendifferentpartsofthebrainareintegrated,theycanfunctionharmoniouslyasawhole,whichmeansfewertantrums,morecooperativebehavior,moreempathyandbettermentalwell-being​6​. Todothat,talkthroughtroublingexperiences.Askyourchildtodescribewhathappenedandhowhe/shefelttodevelopattunedcommunication​7​.Youdon’thavetoprovidesolutions.Youdon’tneedtohavealltheanswerstobeagoodparent.Justlisteningtothemtalkandaskingclarifyingquestionswillhelpthemmakesenseoftheirexperiencesandintegratememories. Havetroublemotivatingyourchild?Checkout: HowToMotivateKids #6:ReflectOnYourOwnChildhood Manyofuswanttoparentdifferentlyfromourparents.Eventhosewhohadgoodupbringingandahappychildhoodmaywanttochangesomeaspectsofhowtheywerebroughtup. Butveryoften,whenweopenourmouths,wespeakjustlikeourparentsdid. Reflectingonourownchildhoodisasteptowardsunderstandingwhyweparentthewaywedo.Makenoteofthingsyou’dliketochangeandthinkofhowyou’ddoitdifferentlyinarealscenario.Trytobemindfulandchangeyourbehaviorthenexttimethoseissuescomeup. Don’tgiveupifyoudon’tsucceedatfirst.Ittakespractice,lotsofpracticetoconsciouslychangeone’schildupbringingmethods. #7:PayAttentionToYourOwnWell-Being Parentsneedrelieftoo. Payattentiontoyourownwell-being. Oftentimes,thingssuchasyourownhealthorthehealthofyourmarriagearekeptonthebackburnerwhenachildisborn.Ifyoudon’tpayattentiontothem,theywillbecomebiggerproblemsdowntheroad​8​.Taketimetostrengthenyourrelationshipwithyourspouse. Stressedoutparentsaremorepronetofighting.Don’tbeafraidtoaskforparentinghelp.Havingsome“metime”forself-careisimportanttorejuvenatethemind. Howparentsmaytakecareofthemselvesphysicallyandmentallywillmakeabigdifferenceintheirparentingandfamilylife.Ifthesetwoareasfail,yourchildwillsuffer,too. #8:DoNotSpank,NoMatterWhat Nodoubt,tosomeparents,spankingcanbringaboutshort-termcompliancewhichsometimesisamuch-neededrelieffortheparents. However,thismethoddoesn’tteachthechildrightfromwrong.Itonlyteachesthechildtofearexternalconsequences.Thechildisthenmotivatedtoavoidgettingcaughtinstead. Spankingyourchildismodelingtoyourchildthathe/shecanresolveissuesbyviolence​9​.Childrenwhoarespanked,smackedorhitaremorepronetofightingwithotherchildren.Theyaremorelikelytobecomebulliesandtouseverbal/physicalaggressiontosolvedisputes.Laterinlife,theyarealsomorelikelytoresultindelinquencyandantisocialbehavior,worseparent-childrelationships,mentalhealthissues,anddomesticviolencevictimsorabusers​10​. Thereareavarietyofbetteralternativestodisciplinethathavebeenproventobemoreeffective​11​,suchasPositiveDiscipline(Tip#3above)andpositivereinforcement. #9:KeepThingsInPerspectiveAndRememberYourParentingGoal Whatisyourgoalofraisingachild? Ifyou’relikemostparents,youwantyourchildtodowellinschool,beproductive,beresponsibleandindependent,respectful,enjoymeaningfulrelationshipswithyouandothers,becaringandcompassionate,andhaveahappy,healthyandfulfillinglife. Buthowmuchtimedoyouspendonworkingtowardsthosegoals? Ifyou’relikemostparents,youprobablyspendmostofthetimejusttryingtogetthroughtheday.Asauthors,SiegelandBryson,pointoutintheirbook,TheWhole-BrainChild, insteadofhelpingyourchildthrive,youspendmostoftimejusttryingtosurvive! Tonotletthesurvivalmodedominateyourlife,nexttimeyoufeelangryorfrustrated,stepback.Thinkaboutwhatangerandfrustrationwilldoforyouoryourchild.Instead,findwaystoturneverynegativeexperienceintoalearningopportunityforhim/her.Evenepictantrumscanbeturnedintoinvaluablebrain-sculptingmomentsifyoudon’tfocusontryingtocontrolyourchild. Doingthesewillnotonly helpyoukeepahealthyperspective,butyou arealsoworkingononeofyourprimarygoalsinparenting—buildingagoodrelationshipwithyourchild. #10:TakeAShortcutByUtilizingFindingsInLatestPsychologyAndNeuroscienceResearch Byshortcuts,Idon’tmeanshortchangingyourchild.WhatImeanistotakeadvantageofwhatisalreadyknownbyscientists. Parentingisoneofthemostresearchedfieldsinpsychology.Manyparentingtechniques,practices,ortraditionshavebeenscientificallyresearched,verified,refinedorrefuted. Forbestadviceforraisingachildandinformationthatarebackedbyscience,hereisoneofmyfavoritescience-basedparentingbooks,TheScienceofParenting. Usingscientificknowledgeisofcoursenotaone-size-fits-allstrategy.Everychildisdifferent.Evenwithinthebestparentingstyle,therecanbemanydifferenteffectiveparentingpracticesyoucanchooseaccordingtoyourchild’stemperament. Forexample,besidesspanking,therearemanybetteralternatives,e.g.redirection, reasoning,removingprivileges,time-in,etc.Youcanchoosethenon-punitivedisciplinemethodthatworksbestforyourchild. Ofcourse,youcanalsochoosetouse“traditional”or“oldschool”parentingstyles(e.g.spanking)andmaystillgetthe“same”outcome. AccordingtotheDiathesis-StressModel,peoplewhohavevulnerabilitiestosufferfromapsychologicaldisorderaremorelikelytodeveloponewhentheyexperiencestress.Thediathesis,i.e.vulnerabilities,canbebiologicalorenvironmental. Perhapsthechildmaybeluckyanddon’thavesuchvulnerabilities.Theymayberesilientandprevailnomatterhowtoughparentstreattheirchild. Buttheymaybenot. Sotheimportanceofparentingcannotbeunderestimated.Whyriskthedamagessomeofthesub-parpracticesmaycreatewhilethere’rewellresearched,betterones? Takingthese“shortcuts”mayrequiremoreworkonyourpartintheshort-term,butcansaveyoulotsoftimeandagonyinthelongrun. AlsoSee:HowDoesTheDeathOfAParentAffectAChild FinalThoughtsOnParenting Thegoodthingis,althoughparentingishard,itisalsoveryrewarding.Thebadpartistherewardsusuallycomemuchlaterthanthehardwork.Butifwetryourbestnow,wewilleventuallyreaptherewardsandhavenothingtoregret. ToHappyParenting! References 1.RizzolattiG,CraigheroL.Themirror-neuronsystem.AnnuRevNeurosci.2004;27:169-192.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15217330. 2.LandryS,SmithK,SwankP,AsselM,VelletS.Doesearlyresponsiveparentinghaveaspecialimportanceforchildren’sdevelopmentorisconsistencyacrossearlychildhoodnecessary?DevPsychol.2001;37(3):387-403.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11370914. 3.VieroC,ShibuyaI,KitamuraN,etal.REVIEW:Oxytocin:CrossingtheBridgebetweenBasicScienceandPharmacotherapy.CNSNeuroscience&Therapeutics.July2010:e138-e156.doi:10.1111/j.1755-5949.2010.00185.x 4.BradleyB,DavisTA,WingoAP,MercerKB,ResslerKJ.Familyenvironmentandadultresilience:contributionsofpositiveparentingandtheoxytocinreceptorgene.EuropeanJournalofPsychotraumatology.September2013:21659.doi:10.3402/ejpt.v4i0.21659 5.LandrySH,SmithKE,SwankPR,GuttentagC.Aresponsiveparentingintervention:Theoptimaltimingacrossearlychildhoodforimpactingmaternalbehaviorsandchildoutcomes.DevelopmentalPsychology.2008:1335-1353.doi:10.1037/a0013030 6.FishbaneMD.Wiredtoconnect:Neuroscience,relationships,andtherapy.Familyprocess.2007;46(3):395-412. 7.SiegelDJ.Mindfulawareness,mindsight,andneuralintegration.TheHumanisticPsychologist.2009:137-158.doi:10.1080/08873260902892220 8.Maternaldepressionandchilddevelopment.PaediatrChildHealth.2004;9(8):575-598.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19680490. 9.GershoffET.Corporalpunishmentbyparentsandassociatedchildbehaviorsandexperiences:Ameta-analyticandtheoreticalreview.PsychologicalBulletin.2002:539-579.doi:10.1037/0033-2909.128.4.539 10.GershoffE,Grogan-KaylorA.Spankingandchildoutcomes:Oldcontroversiesandnewmeta-analyses.JFamPsychol.2016;30(4):453-469.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27055181. 11.Effectivedisciplineforchildren.PaediatrChildHealth.2004;9(1):37-50.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19654979. 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