31 People Reveal Their Definitions of Love - Allure

31 People Reveal Their Definitions of Love · Love Is When You Build Each Other Up · Love Includes the Necessary Space for Pain · Love Is In the ... SkiptomaincontentCloseBannerCloseLiveonAllure.com00Days:00Hours:00Minutes:00SecondsSeethewinnersLiveonAllure.comWhatfirstdrewmetolanguagewasitsfluidity.Everywordcanhavemultiplemeanings—notjustinthevernacularatlarge,butalsotodifferentpeopledependingonanindividual'smemoriesandassociations.There’ssomethingcomplexandbeautifulaboutthat,andit'sahugereasonIwantedtobecomeawriterandeditor.Somethingelsecomplexandbeautiful?Love.Youcanrollyoureyesatmenow—actually,youshould—butit’strue.Loveisoneofthewordsthatprobablyhasthemostvarieddefinitionssinceourexperienceswithitareallsointense.Withoutspillingthesordiddetails,I'mexperiencingquitetheupheavalinmyliferightnow(sup,Saturnreturn)—somuchsothatI'mreevaluatingeverythingIthoughtIknewaboutlove.ManythingsIthoughttobetruearenot,andI'mlearningnewthingsaboutwhatitmeanstoloveandbelovedallthetime.But,fornow,here’swhattheconceptmeanstome:whenasongthatsoundsnothinglikeatypical“lovesong”hassomehowbecomeonetoyou;foldingallyourshitMarieKondo-styletofreeupadrawerinyourdresser;someonegettingincensedonyourbehalfwhenyou’vebeenwronged,whowillalsotellyouifyou’retheonewho'swrong.It'sclosenessthatalsoallowsforspaceandfreedomandroomtofigureoutwhateverthosetwowordsmeantoyou,becausethosedefinitionschangeaswell.It'strustingthatthepersonyoulovewantstobethere,thattheirloveisbothachoiceandafeeling,andfeelingsafeandexcitedintheknowledgethatyoucanmakewhateverkindofrelationshipyouwanttogether.Loveisalso143poundsofMr.Rogers(theweighthereportedlystayedhisentireadultlife,whichhethoughtwasGod'swayoftellinghimhewasloved).Sometimesloveiswantingtodothingsforsomeonethatfeellikeobligationswhenyou'reaskedtodothemforsomeoneelse.It'ssharedT-shirts,playlists,andappetizers.RightnowI'mgrapplingwiththefactthatinthesetimes,especiallyasapersonwithdepression,lovecansometimesmakeyoufeellikethefolkswhoplayedmusicastheTitanicsank;it'sgorgeous,selfless,andimportant,butitcanbetemporaryandheart-wrenchinglysadatthesametime.Loveisalsosomuchmore.BecauseI'mstillfiguringitout,Iwasinterestedinhearingfromyouaboutyourever-evolvingexperienceswiththisconcept.Iwantedtoknowwhatcameupforyouwhenyoutriedtointellectualizethethingthatinhabitsoureverynookandcrannywhenwefeelboththemostathomeandthemostexcited.IaskedpeopleontheInternetwithaGoogleformwhattheythoughtaboutlove(andaskedforages,pronouns,sexualorientations,andrelationshipstatuses)—here’swhatyouhadtosay:LoveIsWhenYouBuildEachOtherUp"Lovemeansenthusiasticallyansweringmymany,manyquestionswithanunexpectedlevelofdepth,takingcareofmewhenIamsick,indulgingmyneedforspontaneity,makingmundanechoresmanageable(ifnotfun),andtrulyseeingmylightandlookingtoamplifyratherthandimit."—AliaStearns,41,She/Her,Bi,OpenRelationshipWithBoyfriend"Atitscore,loverequiresthebasicsofcare.It'speoplehelpingeachothermeetneeds,likefoodandwarmthandplay.It'strustthatmypartnerisanaccurateandhealthymirrorforself-reflectionandknowingI’mthesameforthem.It'sactingforoneanotherasaframeworkandfoundationforpersonalevolution."—Alice,30,Unsure,Queer,Boo’dUpLoveisaspaceforrefuge,forpain,andforgrowth."Loveislikesinkingintoawarmbathattheendofanawfulday.It’sbeingbraveenoughtogivesomeonethepartsofyouthataremessy,complicated,andnotInstagram-perfect.It’sknowingthatalthoughtheyholdallthetoolstobreakyourheart,they’llbuildyouupinstead."—Olivia,22,She/Her,Heterosexual,Single"Loveiscreation.Healthyloveisgenerative.Ahealthypartnershipallowsthoseinittobemoreofthemselves,notless.Humilityisn'tnecessarilyhumiliating.Thisgameisalonggame.Begentle."—K,31,She/Her,Queer,DomesticPartnershipLoveIncludestheNecessarySpaceforPain"Whenwesay,'Idon’tknowhowwe’llgetthroughthisexceptthatitwillbetogether,'andIbelieveus."—EricMersmann,40,He/Him,Bi,Married"LoveisatrustIplaceinsomeone.Loveisaspaceforrefuge,forpain,andforgrowth.Loveiswalkingthroughaworldofcold,deadpainandknowingtherearehumanheartsbeatingsomewhereandthatoneofthembeatsforme,andthenmyheartflutterslikeadreamcometrue."—Hellion,27,She/Her,Queer,InLoveMostPopularnailsISwearThere'sActualWaterInsideMeganTheeStallion'sDeep-SeaManicureByGabiThornewellnessEachZodiacSign'sUniquePersonalityTraitsByAlizaKellyhairTheU-ShapeHaircutIstheHairstylistTricktoMakingHairLookInstantlyThickerByAnyaMeyerowitz"Loveiswhenmypartneraskedmetogototheanimalshelterontheanniversaryofmymom’sdeathjusttomakemesmile—andwetookhometwobondedcats."—AlainaLeary,25,She/They,Queer,EngagedGettyImages/Allure:RosemaryDonahue"Loveismypartnersittingbesidemeduringapanicattack,nottellingmetostoporchange,notprescribing,justbeingthere,groundingme.It'scomingwithmetomytherapist’sofficeafteraself-harmscaretomakesureIwassafefrommyself,andmytherapistsaying,'Hereallylovesyou.'"—AnnaSwenson,28,She/Her,Queer,MarriedLoveIsIntheSmallestThings"I'mnotsureaboutromance,otherthanit'sabsurd.ButmybestfriendandIsenteachothertheexactsamee-mailthismorningandifthatisn'tlove,Idon'tknowwhatis."—Elizabeth,27,She/Her,Queer"Myemotionswheelsaysloveisafeelingoflightnessandsecurity,butI’veneverfeltthatway.So,tome,loveisbeingpresent,andtheraremomentsinthedaywhenIbecomesoabsorbedinthesunlightorsnowflakesortasteofmyginsengteathatIforgettofeelanxious,unwell,orthatIshouldfeellikelessofapersonfortakingupspaceintheworld."—Christian,34,She/Her,Straight-ish,TerminallySingleMostPopularnailsISwearThere'sActualWaterInsideMeganTheeStallion'sDeep-SeaManicureByGabiThornewellnessEachZodiacSign'sUniquePersonalityTraitsByAlizaKellyhairTheU-ShapeHaircutIstheHairstylistTricktoMakingHairLookInstantlyThickerByAnyaMeyerowitz"Lovelookslikedoingthedishes.I’man'ActsofService'personandIhatedoingthedishes,somyhusbandhastakenituponhimselftoneverletadirtyplatefesterinthesink.It’sselflessandhumbleanddeeplyloving,andI’mthankfulhetakespainstoshowmeloveinthelanguageIhearit."—SkyeSherman,25,She/Her,Heterosexual,MarriedLoveMakesRoomForChangeandGrowth"Feelingsafetobeatrue,authenticperson.Havingroomforindividualandsharedpassions.Knowingwheneverythingelsegetsstrippedaway,yourpartnerwillstillholdyouclose."—JoyOverbrook,30,She/Her,Pansexual,Married"LoveiswhenIamchallenged,seen,excited,amused,provokedintothought,andmostofall,safe.Whensomeonewantstoknowmeandremainscuriousandthoughtful.WhenIcontinuetobesupportedandsupportanother,throughouthealthychanges."—Kate,27,She/Her,Bisexual,MarriedLoveiswhenIpressmyselfintoyourbackatnightandfeelour future."Loveishavingtotalacceptanceandtheabilitytotrustandopenlycommunicate,withoutthefearofjudgmentorrejection.Thatshouldn'tjustapplytoromanticlovebutalsotoloveamongfamilyandfriends."—RhoRho,94,She/Her,Widowed"Freedomisessentialtolove.Withouttheabilitytobeyourselfandexpressthequirky,darkbeautifulsidesofyournature,lovesuffocatesandquicklyevaporates."—LillyHarlow,37,She/Her,Straight,CommittedRelationship"Loveislookingatsomeoneandknowingthatwhotheyaretodaydefinitelywon’tbewhoyouseetomorrow,orthenextday,or10yearsfromnow,andlovingthemforthatreasonalone.Tolove,wehavetoembracethefactthatwhowefirstbecameattractedtocan,will,andshouldchange.Thebestpartofloveiswatchingitgrowinnewwaysaseachpersonevolvesandmaturingyourlovelanguagealongtheway."—WandyFelicitaOrtiz,23,She/Her,Heterosexual,InaRelationshipLoveIsSharingFood"Loveisknowingthat,forthefirsttimeinyourlife,youdon’thavetoapologizeforfeelingeverythingatonce.Loveisbeginningtohealfrompasttraumaandlearningthatbeinghurtisnotarequiredpartoftherelationshippackage.Loveisalsoguavaandcheesepastelitos."—Ashley,24,She/Her,Pansexual,InaRelationshipGettyImages/Allure:RosemaryDonahueMostPopularnailsISwearThere'sActualWaterInsideMeganTheeStallion'sDeep-SeaManicureByGabiThornewellnessEachZodiacSign'sUniquePersonalityTraitsByAlizaKellyhairTheU-ShapeHaircutIstheHairstylistTricktoMakingHairLookInstantlyThickerByAnyaMeyerowitz"LoveiswhenIpressmyselfintoyourbackatnightandfeelourfuture.Andwhenyousend40DietCokesviaPostmatestomydoorstepinBrooklynafterabadworkday."—CortneB,25,She/Her,Straight,InaRelationship"Loveiswillinglylookingaftersomeonewiththeflu.TheonlytimeIenvypeopleinrelationshipsiswhenI'mfulloffeverandfendingformyself.BringchickensouptomysickbedandI'llloveyouforever."—JayBirch,29,He/Him,SingleLoveIsaFeelingofComfort"LoveisnotwhatIgrewupthinkingitwas.Loveisn'tturbulent,it'snowhirlwind;it'scomfort,companionship,andacceptance,calmandquiet,andbettertomethananygreatdrama.It'sthewayIsleepbestwhenIcanheartheirbreathing,thewaythatIwakefromalongnapwithmyhandstillintheirsbecausetheydidn'twanttomoveandwakeme."—Artemis,22,She/Her,Asexual/Homoromantic,Engaged"LovemeansthatIdon’tfeelpressuredtoadd“haha”or“lol”totheendofeverytextmessage.IfeelcomfortableenoughsharingmythoughtswiththepersonIlove,romanticallyorplatonically,withoutattemptingtocancelthemoutwithsomefillerphrases."—LizSheeley,29,She/Her,Straight,Single"Loveissometimesforgettingyou’rebesideeachotherbecauseit’sascomfortabletobewiththemasitiswhenyou'realone.It’spraisingthemwhenthey’renowherenearby;it’swantingtosharethem(andpicturesofthemandtheiraccomplishmentsandsweetactions)witheveryfriendyouhave.It’swakingupwithoutanyquestions.It’sdatingsomeoneinQueenswhenyouliveinSouthBrooklyn,tbh."—Caitlin,23,She/Her,Straight,InaRelationshipLoveIsWhenSomeoneStartstoTakeUpSpaceinYourMind"Loveiswhatgetsusthroughthiswholethingcalledlife.It’swhatandwhowethinkaboutwhenwefallasleep.It’swhatwefeelinourmostvulnerableandemotionalmoments.It’severything."—RebeccaRranza,21,She/Her,Bisexual,Single"Iknowwe'reallthinkingaboutMaryOliverlately,butIreallydothinkattentionisthebeginningofloveanddevotion.Someonewholovesmewillnoticethethingsthatbothermeormakemefeelgood,notdiscountthem,andthenaltertheirbehavioraccordingly.It'sreally,reallyhardtoactuallybethoughtlessorcruelorindifferentwhenyou'repayingattention."—CaitlinVH,28,She/Her,Bi,SingleMostPopularnailsISwearThere'sActualWaterInsideMeganTheeStallion'sDeep-SeaManicureByGabiThornewellnessEachZodiacSign'sUniquePersonalityTraitsByAlizaKellyhairTheU-ShapeHaircutIstheHairstylistTricktoMakingHairLookInstantlyThickerByAnyaMeyerowitzGettyImages/Allure:RosemaryDonahue"Loveislendingabook.It'syourroommateturningontheFrenchpresswhentheyleaveforworksoit’sreadywhenyougetoutoftheshower.Bringingflowers.Makingasharedplaylist.Beinginaroomfullofpeoplebut—consciouslyorsubconsciously—realizingthatineverythingyoudo,you’returningtowardsomeone."—Catherine,22,They/Them,Lesbian,SingleLoveiscomfortinuncomfortableplaces."Loveiswhenanotherpersonstartstonaturallytakeupspaceinyourmind,andtheirneedsanddesiresstarttomattermoreandmoretoyouovertime.It’saboutprioritizingsomeoneanddelightinginthethingsthatmakethemunique.It’swhoyouseeinyourmindassoonasyouwakeupandwhoyouthinkaboutwhenyou’refallingasleep."—Emily,28,She/Her,Pansexual,CommittedLTR"Loveisthedifferencebetweenfeelinglonelyandbeingalone."—Finch,25,They/Them,Queer,SpokenforLoveFeelsLikeComingHome"Celebratingeachother’ssuccessesandcomfortingeachotherthroughlosses.Feelinglikehometoeachother,likearefuge,asafeplacetorestyourhead.Feelingseenandknown,inallyourauthenticweirdness."—Kate,26,She/Her,Bisexual,InaPolyamorousRelationshipMostPopularnailsISwearThere'sActualWaterInsideMeganTheeStallion'sDeep-SeaManicureByGabiThornewellnessEachZodiacSign'sUniquePersonalityTraitsByAlizaKellyhairTheU-ShapeHaircutIstheHairstylistTricktoMakingHairLookInstantlyThickerByAnyaMeyerowitz"Loveisthecomforting,warmsensationyougetfromgoodwine,hearingtheopeningchordsofyourfavoritesong,sinkingintoahug,curlinguponthecouch,oreatingareallygoodmeal.Iwouldn'tcallit'cominghome'exactly—that'snotit.It'smorelikehavingtheassurancethatthere'sahometogoto."—KendraSyrdal,29,She/Her,Queer,CommittedandContent"Loveiscomfortinuncomfortableplaces.Thefeelingofcominghomeafteralongday."—Maggie,20,She/Her,Bisexual,SingleLoveIsaFuckingMess"Loveisthatfeelinginthepitofyourstomachwhenyoudon'tknowifyouwanttothrowuporfallintoafitofhappytears.Itmakesallemotionsflytothesurface,becauseyouarefinallycomfortableenoughtoletgo."—Missy,23,She/Her,Bisexual,SingleReadmoreaboutloveandrelationships:WhyMyPartnerandIWanttoBeInAnOpenRelationshipHowEachZodiacSignHandlesaBreakupComingOutasTransgenderOnlyMadeMyRelationshipStrongerWhatthisgenderqueerpersonlovesmostaboutthewaytheylook:FollowRosemaryonInstagram,Twitter,andherwebsite.RosemaryDonahueistheformerdigitalwellnesseditorofAllure.Theirwritingonhealth,culture,LGBTQ+identity,andbeautyhasappearedonNylon,Bustle,Vogue,Racked,andMarieClaire.com.Youcanreadmoreabouttheirworkatrosemarydonahue.com.FormerWellnessEditor,Allure.comTwitterInstagramKeywordswellnesslovevalentine'sdaysexdatingdatingadvicedatingtermsrelationshipshomemarriageLGBTQcelebrityQuannahChasinghorseHasMadeHerMarkTheIndigenousmodelandactivistismuchmorethanasymbolofevolvingbeautystandards.ByAlyssaYáxÁdiYádiLondonthe-melanin-editHowI'mWorkingtoChangetheAbortionNarrativeinMyLatinxCommunityPlannedParenthood'sdirectorofLatinxcampaignsexplainswhyabortionstorytellingmattersevenmoreinapost-Roeworld.ByMarilynLaJeunessewellnessYourAriesSeptember2022HoroscopePredictionsAre Septemberbringsmagicstardusttoyourlovelife.BySophieSaintThomasskin-careRomeoSantosGetsFacials"atLeastOnceaMonth"PlusothersecretstotheKingofBachata'seternallyglowingskin. ByLucasVilla