About the Drama Triangle – And how to escape it | Oxford

Karpman's Drama Triangle describes dysfunctional relationships where the people in the relationship shift between three roles, Persecutor, Rescuer, ... Skiptocontent AbouttheDramaTriangle–Andhowtoescapeit AbouttheDramaTriangle–Andhowtoescapeit Ifyou’veeverfoundyourselftrappedinapersonalDramaTriangle,youwillalreadyknowhowdetrimentalitcanbetorelationships.Butitalsorearsitsuglyheadinabusinesscontext,andit’ssomethingwellworthwatchingoutfor.Ifyoufindyourselfexperiencingagreatdealofconflictbutverylittleresolution,you’reprobablystuckintheDramatriangle. Here’swhatyouneedtoknowabouttherolesweplaythatkeepusmiredinthedramatriangleandforceustorepeatthesameoldreactionstimeandtimeagain.Andwe’llexaminetherolesthatsupportyouinlivinginthepresent,thebestplacetopermanentlysolvelife’schallenges. WhatisKarpman’sDramaTriangle? Karpman’sDramaTriangledescribesdysfunctionalrelationshipswherethepeopleintherelationshipshiftbetweenthreeroles,Persecutor,Rescuer,andVictim,allheldinplacebyguiltandblame. Whenyoufindyourselfstuckinaself-defeatingorself-servingrole,it’shorriblyeasytoendupinanextremestatethatdoesn’thelpanyone,neitheryounorthepeopleyou’reinteractingwith.Theideaistomoveawayfromtheextremeedgesofthetriangletowardsthecentre,wherethere’samuchhealthierandmorepositivebalance. Bydoingthiswemovefrombeinganoppressivepersecutortoanassertivepersonwithgoodboundaries.Weshiftfromplayingtheroleofhelplessvictimtoalessvulnerablestateofself-awareness.Westopbeingself-sacrificingrescuersandmovetowardsattunementandcompassion. Youassertratherthanpersecute Youarevulnerablebutyou’renotavictim Youarecaringbutyoudon’toverstepthemark Rightinthemiddleofthetriangle,atthesweetestspotofall,wefindtheplacewhereallourrolesintegrate,theplacewhereweareself-awareandarecomingfromaleveladultplace.Fromastancewhereyouareokay,andothersaretoo. HowyourprofessionalpresenceisaffectedbytheDramaTriangle Asyoucanimagine,stuckinorflippingbetweentherolesofoppressivepersecutor,helplessvictim,or‘good’self-sacrificingrescuerdoesn’tmakeyouatalentedleader.Quitetheopposite. Sohowdoyoumoveoutoftheseextraordinarilyunhelpfulroleswhenyoufindyourselfslippingintooneofthem?Howcanyouchangethenegativehabitualrolesyoukeepfallinginto?Bysteppingoutofthem,youandeveryoneyouencounterinaprofessionalcontextwillbenefit.Thequalityofleadershippresencemayactuallydependuponyourabilitytodoso. HowtostepoutoftheDramaTriangle It’syourjobtobeawareoftherolesyouplay,orhavebeenplacedin,andiftheytrapyouintheDramaTriangle,tofindwaystoshiftyourselfoutofthatposition.Movingtothecentremeansyoustopactingthevictim,rescuerorpersecutor.Noticingyourimmediatereactionsandputtinginapausemomentbetweenthestimulusandyourresponse,canhelpyou.ItmayjuststopyouinyourtracksandavoidyouslidingintotheDramaTriangledynamics. Refusetoacceptyouropponent’sforce.Stopstruggling.Neatlyavoidawkward,indefensible,orunreasonablepositions.Onceyoumovetothecentre,youropponentwillprobablybackaway.Itcanbeasimpleandyetremarkabletactic. Allthisrequiresyoutoexamineanyingrainedthinkingpatternsthatyouwanttochangeandadaptorreplacethem.Youcansimplyrefusetobeeithersuperiororinferior–doingsobreaksthetriangle.Onceyoustopthegame,thedramastopstoo.Youcanstopactingas‘poorme’,ignoringyourownneeds,givingintopeopleevenwhenit’snotagoodidea,oralwaystakingtheblame.Tostopbeingavictimyouneedtoaccepttherelationshipwiththeotherperson,facethefactyou’retheonewhowillneedtochange,faceyourfearsandtakebetteractions.Youcanalsostoptryingtofixpeople.Rescuersarenaturalcaretakersandit’sahardhabittobreaksinceitinvolvesheavyemotionslikeguiltandobligation.LivingbeyondtheDramaTrianglerolesisaboutmanagingyourownboundariesandhavingastrongsenseofyourownagencyandvalue. Noneofthismeansyoucarelessaboutpeople.Itsimplymeansyou’llbeabletomakebetterchoicesforyourselfandforotherswhoarestuckinDramaTrianglesoftheirown. SeetheDramatriangleinaction TakealookatthisexcellentvideofromtheConsciousLeadershipProject.IttalksaboutlivingfromyourleadershippresenceratherthanbeingcaughtintheDramaTriangleatwork. ForprivacyreasonsYouTubeneedsyourpermissiontobeloaded.IAccept Ittellsyoumoreabouttheunconscious,unhelpfulrolesyoumightbeadoptingatwork,therolesthatkeepyoustuckinastateoffrequent,negativedrama.Anditdelvesintothepositiverolesyoucanplayinstead,thosethatsupportlivinginthe‘now’andworkinginafarmoreeffectiveway. Strengtheningyourleadershippresence IfyouwouldliketoknowhowtoavoidslippingintothoseDramaTrianglerolesandyouwanttostrengthenyourleadershippresence,ourcoachingcanhelp.Dogetintouch Couldyoubenefitfromourcoachingatthistime?Everyconversation,fromthesmallesttothemosttransformative,startswithafirststep.Contactustodayandlet’stalk.We’reListening. 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