What is Love? Definition, Signs & Types

Love is a way we choose to see our actions and feelings. In many ways, love itself is a choice, an attitude or an approach for moving through the world. Knowing ... Home About Blog PLRContent AllAccessPass ArticlePackages Courses SocialMediaPosts WhatisLove?Definition,Signs&Types ByCharlieHuntington,M.A.,Ph.D.Candidate​Reviewedby TchikiDavis,M.A.,Ph.D. Whatislove?Inthisarticle,youwilllearnwhatsocialscientistsknowaboutlove,howitcontributestoyourwellbeing,andhowtocultivatemoreloveinyourlife. WhatisLove?(ADefinition) Thedefinitionofloveisveryhardtopinpoint–justaskalltheartists,scientists,andphilosopherswhohavetriedtoprovideadefinitiveanswerovertheyears.Loveisafeeling,anaction,astateofbeing,amotivation–howcanweboilitdowntojustonesimpledefinition?  *Thispagemayincludeaffiliate links;thatmeansweearnfromqualifyingpurchasesofproducts. However,psychologistshavedeterminedonecharacteristicsharedbyallthebehaviorsandexperiencesthatwethinkinvolvelove:“investmentinthewell-beingoftheotherforhisorherownsake”(Hegi&Bergner,2010,p.621). Whatdoesthatmean?Itmeansthatloveiswantinganotherpersontobehappyandhealthy.Thisisthecharacteristicthatpeoplemostconsistentlysayiscentraltotheideaoflove(Hegi&Bergner,2010).Itprovidesaveryusefulstartingpoint.Thinkaboutit:whetherit’saparentdressingtheirnewbornbaby,onesiblingdefendinganotherontheplayground,orthefeelingyougetfromsendingorreceivingabirthdaycard,allinstancesofloveinvolveadesireforsomebodyelsetofeelgood,tobewell(Rempel&Burris,2005).Youcanwatchafamousandfamiliarfacebreakdownthisdefinitionofloveinthisbriefandilluminatingvideo:​​​ Video:WhatisLove? Often,feelinglovetranslatesintoanactoflove:wedogoodforsomeonesothattheycanbewell,evenifitdoesn’thelpusdirectly.Irecentlyexperiencedthisaspectoflovewhenmypartnerneededsurgeryandwashavingahardtimerecovering.Pickingupprescriptions,talkingtodoctors,andmakingsuremypartnerwasfedandtheirdoggotwalked–noneofthesethingsmademylifeanybetter–infact,theywereoftenstressful–buttheydefinitelyhelpedmypartner. Actsofself-carearemotivatedbylove,too.Whenyoumakeyourselfahealthymeal,callafriendbecauseyouwanttheirsupport,ortakethetimetoreadanarticleyouthinkmighthelpyou(winkwink),you’repracticingself-love. AreYouaTherapist,Coach,orWellnessEntrepreneur? GrabOurFreeeBooktoLearnHowtoGrowYourWellnessBusinessExponentially!  ✓  Savehundredsofhoursoftime  ✓ Earnmore$faster  ​✓ Boostyourcredibility ✓ Deliverhigh-impactcontent  OppositeofLove Youmightbesayingtoyourself,“isn’thatetheoppositeoflove?”Iwonderedaboutthis,too.Itturnsout,though,that“theoppositeofloveisn’thate,it’sindifference.”Thisphrase,mostoftenattributedtoHolocaustsurvivorandauthorElieWiesel,emphasizesacentralaspectoflove:namely,thatitinvolvesapowerfulfeeling.Hatredalsoinvolvesapowerful–butinthiscase,negative–feeling.Therefore,itcan’tbetheoppositeoflove. Sinceloveinvolvesbeinginvestedinsomebodyelseandwantingthemtobewell,theoppositeofloveistheabsenceofinvestmentandwantingtheotherpersontobewell–indifference,inotherwords(Abbasi&Alghamdi,2017).Theexperienceof“fallingoutoflove”providesaneffectiveexampleofthis.Whenacloserelationshipfades,oneorbothpeopleintherelationshipgraduallycometocarelessaboutwhethertheotherpersonisdoingwellandstartputtinglesseffortintopromotingtheotherperson’swellbeing(Barryetal.,2008).  Perhapsyouhaveexperiencedthisyourself.Youmightrememberamomentwhenyoulookedatsomeoneyouwereonceclosetoandyoufeltnodrivetobenearthemorinvestinthem.Thisprocess,thoughoftenpainfulorsaddening,ispartofthenaturalcycleofrelationshipscomingandgoinginourlives. WhatIsLoveinPsychology? Believeitornot,psychologistsonlyreallystartedstudyingloveasaspecificideainthelast75years.Inadditiontorealizingthatloveinvolvesfeelinggoodwhensomebodyelseiswell(Bowlby,1978),psychologistsstartedtodescribedifferenttypesoflove,suchasromanticloveandcompanionatelove(Berscheid&Walter,1978). Whilepsychologistsgenerallyagreethattherearealimitednumberoftypesoflove(moreonthisinjustabit)everyonehasagreedthatlovemanifestsinmanydifferentways–perhapstoomanytocount.Forexample,lovecanbewhyyouforgiveyourpartnerforalwaysbeinglate,committofinishingacreativeproject,dreamaboutgettingapromotionsoyoucanaffordtotakeyourkidstoDisneyland,orfeeldevastatedwhenyourfavoritesportsteamloses.Noticethattheonlysharedcharacteristicofthesesituationsisthatyoucareaboutsomethingorsomebody(yourteam,yourchildren,yourpartner,yourcreativevision)andwantittobewell. Inotherwords,weknowthatloveisn’tjustathought,feeling,oraction,butitcanbepresentinathought,feeling,oraction(Levine,2005).Let’stalkalittlemoreabouthowloveisn’texactlyanemotion. LoveasanEmotion Psychologistshavearguedalotaboutwhetherloveisanemotion(Sabini&Silver,2005).PaulEkman,perhapsthemostfamousresearcherofemotions,hassaidthateachbasicemotionshouldcomewithitsownuniquefacialexpressionorshowupinthebodyinauniqueway–forexample,throughapproximatelythesameactivityinthesamepartsofthebrain,everytime(Ekman,1992). Canyouseehowthismightcauseproblemsforlovebeingconsideredanemotion?Whenyouseeyourgrandmother,youmaycrytearsoflove,butseeingyourromanticpartnercomehomemakesyousmilewithloveinstead.Insteadofthinkingofloveasanemotion,thinkofloveasacombinationofafeelingandathought:loveispresentwhenyou(1)haveafeelingand(2)labelthatfeelingasbeingrelatedtolove(Schachter&Singer,1962).  Whenwelookatlovethisway,wealsogetaroundanotherissuewiththeideaofloveasanemotion,whichisthatemotionschangeallthetime.Knowingthat,howcouldsomebodywhohasbeenlovinglymarriedforfiftyyearsfeelthe“emotionoflove”thatwholetime?Theydidn’t!Theyjustkepthavingfeelingsthattheydecidedweredrivenbylove(Gonzagaetal.,2006;Scherer,2005). WhatAreLoveLanguages? Thirtyyearsago,authorandpastorGaryChapmanintroducedtheideathattherearefive“lovelanguages”–waysofshowinganotherpersonthatyoulovethem(Chapman,1992).Chapman(1992)wrotethateachpersonhassomelovelanguagesthattheypreferoverothers,andthatcloserelationships–particularlyromanticones–willworkbestwhenwetrytoshowloveforourpartnersinthelanguagesthattheymostprefer.Herearethefivelovelanguages:Wordsofaffirmation:Tellingyourpartnerwhatyouappreciateaboutthem,orsimplyexpressingaffectionandcare.Qualitytime:Spendingtimetogetherwhereyouarefocusedonbeingpresentwiththeotherperson.Actsofservice:Doingthingstomakeyourpartner’slifeeasierormoreenjoyable.Gifts:Receivingsomethingthatshowstheotherpersonwasreallythinkingaboutyourwantsandneeds.Physicaltouch:Usingphysicalsignsofaffection,whichcanincludesexualintimacy,toexpresslove.Sincetheideaoflovelanguageshasbecomeverypopular,psychologistshavedoneresearchtoseewhetherpeoplewhofollowChapman’sideashavestrongerrelationships.Onlyrecentlyhavepsychologistsstartedtofindaconnectionbetweenlovelanguagesandrelationshipsatisfaction(e.g.,Hughes&Camden,2020).Itmaybethatwhenpartnershavedifferentlovelanguages,it’snotenoughto‘speaktheotherperson’slanguage’–youhavetodoiteffectivelyandgenuinely(Bunt&Hazelwood,2017).Despitethislackofclearresearchfindings,manycouplesintherapy–includingsomeofmyownclients–reportfindingtheideaoflovelanguagesveryusefulforlearninghowtobettersupportandshowlovetoeachother. BenefitsofLove Whatarethebenefitsoflove?Researchhasshownagainandagainthatpeoplewhoreportfeelingmoreloveandhavingmorecloserelationshipsarehappierandhealthierthanpeoplewithlessloveintheirlives(e.g.,Chopik,2017;Kahanaetal.,2021).PerhapsthebestexampleofthiscomesfromHarvardresearcherswhofollowedagroupofmenforover80yearsoftheirlives.Theresearchersfoundthatwarmandlovingcloserelationships,whetherwithfriends,family,orspouses,wereamongthebestpredictorsofwell-beingacrosstheentirelifespan(Waldinger&Schulz,2016;Waldingeretal.,2007).​Personally,Ifindthistobeaverypowerfulandencouragingmessage.Thebenefitsofloveareavailabletoyouanytimeyounurturearelationshipwithsomebodyorsomethingyoureallycareabout.  TypesofLove Manypeoplehaveofferedtheirowntakeonwhatthedifferentkindsofloveare–somanythatittakesawhiletosiftthroughthemallandfindoneyoulike!Hereisashortandsweetlistthatcoversmosteveryinstance(Berscheid,2010):​CompanionateLove.Thisisthekindoflovefeltbetweenfriendsandfamilymembers.Coupleswhoareolderorwhohavebeentogetheralongtimemaybeexperiencingcompanionateloveaswell.Thisloveisdrivenbysharedexperiences,affection,andcommitmenttoeachother.RomanticLove.Romanticloveisdistinguishedfromothertypesoflovebyitspassion.Inromanticlove,youfeelnotonlyaffection,butalso(oftensexual)desirefortheotherperson.CompassionateLove.Wherecompanionateloveandromanticlovehappenbetweentwopeoplewhomightconsiderthemselvesequals,compassionateloveisusuallywhattakesplacewhenonepersonfeelsdriventocareforanotherperson,especiallysomebodywhomightnotbeascapableorindependent.Caregivingisthehallmarkofcompassionatelove–thinkoftheparentsofnewbornsorthepeoplewhocarefortheterminallyill.​ SignsofLove Signsoflovedifferbythetypeoflove–however,therearesometelltalesigns.Feelingdrawntobeingaroundtheotherperson,thinkingaboutorplanningtimeandactivitiestogether,thinkingofyourselvesasaunit(friends,acouple,afamily)insteadofasindividuals,andbeingreadytomakesacrificesfortheotherpersonareallcommonexperienceswhenfeelingloveforsomebodyelse(Pennebakeretal.,2003;Yamaguchietal.,2015). HowDoesLoveFeel? Rememberhowonewaytounderstandloveistothinkofitasawayyouinterpretafeelingyou’rehaving?Thatmeansthatlovecanfeellotsofways.Inromanticlove,chemicalsthataredesignedtohelpyoubondtoyourpartnercanfloodyoursystem,makingyoufeeleuphoricandpowerfullydrawntoyourpartner.Companionatelove,bycontrast,maybelessintense,butstillfeaturesaffectionateandtenderfeelings.Compassionatelove,asitsnamesuggests,ischaracterizedbycompassion–feelingfortheotherperson,orcompelledtohelpthem.Thosewereexamplesofgenerallypositiveemotions,butnegativeemotionscanbedrivenbylove,too.Maybeyou’vefeltjealousseeingyourpartnertalktotheirex,griefatthepassingofabelovedgrandparent,ornostalgiathinkingaboutmemorableadventureswithyourlong-lostcollegefriends.Loveunderliesthesefeelingsaswell. TipsforCultivatingLove Thesimplestwaytocultivateloveinyourlifeistofocusonthegoodyouseeinothers,andthegoodyouwantforothers.Onescientifically-provenwaytodothisistopracticeloving-kindnessmeditation,aBuddhistpracticeinwhichonedeliberatelyandrepeatedlythinkskindandlovingthoughtstowardothers.Manystudieshaveshownthatpracticingloving-kindnessincreasesyourpositivefeelingstowardthepeopleyouthinkaboutanddesireforthemtobewell–whichincreasesyourownpositiveemotionsaswell(Zengetal.,2015). Deliberatelythinkingaboutorwritinglistsofwhatoneisgratefulforisanotherwaytocultivatelove(Emmons&McCullough,2003).Finally,simplycaringforanddoingforothers–evenjustinourregular,everydayactivities–canmakeusgrowanddeepeninourloveforthem(Little&Frost,2013). HowtoPracticeLove Theideaofloveasa“practice”isbestdemonstratedbythepeoplewhoselifelongcommitmenttolovingothershastrulychangedtheworld(Chi,2020).Peoplewhopracticeloveinallaspectsoftheirlives,orwhofollowtheirlovetoitsmostprofoundlimits,havepromotedwell-beingforthemselvesandmanyothersonaglobalscale.ThinkoftheselflesssacrificeandloveforothersexhibitedbyMartinLutherKingJr.,MahatmaGandhi,MayaAngelou,orOprahWinfrey.Whattheseindividualsofferusisanexampleofhowtopracticeloveprofessionallyandpersonally. Atthesametime,neitheryounorIhavetopracticeloveonthatscaletomakeameaningfuldifference.Thereisprobablysomebodyinyourownsocialcirclesorextendedfamilywhoisknownforbeingdeeplyloving,caring,andgiving.Thinkabouthowthatpersonchoosestolivetheirlife.Howmightyouliveandlovemoreliketheydo? LoveQuotes “Andintheend/Theloveyoumake/Isequaltothelove/Youtake.”–JohnLennon&PaulMcCartney“Loveyourselffirstandeverythingelsefallsintoline.Youreallyhavetoloveyourselftogetanythingdoneinthisworld.”–LucilleBall“Ittakescouragetolove,butpainthroughloveisthepurifyingfirewhichthosewholovegenerouslyknow.Weallknowpeoplewhoaresomuchafraidofpainthattheyshutthemselvesuplikeclamsinashelland,givingoutnothing,receivenothingandthereforeshrinkuntillifeisamerelivingdeath.”–EleanorRoosevelt“Yourtaskisnottoseekforlove,butmerelytoseekandfindallthebarrierswithinyourselfthatyouhavebuiltagainstit.”–Rumi“Theartofloveislargelytheartofpersistence.”–AlbertEllis​“Thefirstdutyofloveistolisten.”–PaulTillich ArticlesRelatedto Love Wanttolearnmoreaboutbuildinglovingrelationships?Herearesomerelatedarticlesthatmightbehelpful.​HealthyRelationships:Definition,Characteristics,andTips​ActiveListening:Definition,Skills,Techniques&ExercisesHowtoKeepRomanticComediesFromRuiningYourLoveLife​Forgiveness:Definition,Tips,&HowtoDoIt​​LoveQuotes:ForPlatonic,Romantic,&FamilyLove​​ BooksRelatedto Love Tokeepbuildingyour"loving"skills,herearesomebookstoexplore:Love2.0:FindingHappinessandHealthinMomentsofConnectionThe5LoveLanguages:TheSecrettoLovethatLasts​​InsecureinLove:HowAnxiousAttachmentCanMakeYouFeelJealous,Needy,andWorriedandWhatYouCanDoAboutIt FinalThoughtsonLove Ifthisarticlehasmadelovesoundsimpleorstraightforward,Iapologize.Thereisprobablynothingmorecomplex–norrewarding–inourexperienceashumansthanlovingsomeoneelse. ​Atthesametime,ifyou’veeverfeltthatlovewasanout-of-controlforceinyourlife,IhopewhatI’vesharedheremakesyoureconsider.Loveisawaywechoosetoseeouractionsandfeelings.Inmanyways,loveitselfisachoice,anattitudeoranapproachformovingthroughtheworld.Knowingwhatyouknownow,Ihopeyoucanfindmoretheloveyouarelookingtogiveandreceive. Don'tForgettoGrabOurFreeeBooktoLearnHowtoGrowYourWellnessBusinessExponentially! 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GrabOur FreeeBook toLearnHowtoGrowYourWellnessBusinessFast! KeyArticles:Happiness​Well-BeingEmotionsStressManagementSelf-ConfidenceSelf-CareManifestation​AllArticles...ContentPackages:All-AccessPass​​​PLRContentPackagesPLRCourses​ Home About Blog PLRContent AllAccessPass ArticlePackages Courses SocialMediaPosts